B is for Begging

Begging can be difficult for some submissives.  It places one in a vulnerable position; there is a kind of “lowering” in status that occurs when one begs.  Our society emphasizes self-assuredness, agency of the individual and independence. When one is in a situation where begging takes place, notions of agency and Self are no longer relevant.  In BDSM scenarios, begging can be an intense form of power-over.

I’m of the mind that begging works best when it is not forced.  In fact, when it comes to kink play and BDSM in general, I really don’t believe “forcing” anything fits well within any exchange of power.  I don’t care if you consider yourself “Super-Dom”; people cannot be coerced into acts they do not want to do.  If they are, it’s called abuse and abusive behavior has no place in BDSM or D/s exchanges.

Back to the begging.

When done in the ideal context, begging can be seen as a mechanism to bring about a deeper feeling of submission in the submissive and increase a sense of dominance and control in the dominant.  It isn’t so much about degradation, though in other contexts, begging done to enhance feelings of humiliation can and does work well.  The beggar begs as a symbolic and tangent way to reinforce his or her lack of control in a situation.

Situational Begging

It’s one thing to beg for something one wants…(i.e. the submissive begging to be allowed to orgasm), but what about begging for something one *doesn’t* necessarily want?  In D/s exchanges, there are times when the dominant may be training the submissive in various elements of BDSM play and/or protocol.  Part of what can make a D/s exchange so enriching  is not so much the dominant exerting power, but rather choreographing experiences for the submissive to learn and grow from.   Pushing boundaries and stretching past one’s comfort zone often are the keys to growth of any significant kind.

Submissives who are “made” (and I use the word loosely, mind you) to beg for something they don’t or wouldn’t think they desired can find themselves attaining a whole other level of surrender.  Part of the stretching of boundaries elicits a deepening submission toward one’s dominant, and for some it creates a temporary feeling of helplessness.  Begging to receive a punishment or to partake in a task that one is not looking forward to can definitely increase a sense of humility. There is an art to begging, though some might even say its a subtle form of manipulation on the part of the submissive, a form of topping from the bottom.    The adept dominant knows how to create a *need* in the submissive so that the thing being begged for feels true and real to the submissive at the time.   Knowing when the time and place are ripe for begging is almost instinctive and for it be most effective in enhancing the exchange, it cannot be contrived.

Begging Is Sexy Nonetheless

Overall, I think begging is an extremely erotic element in a power exchange.  I’m not talking about lip-service; I’m talking about the kind of begging that is sincere…the kind that demonstrates a genuine longing and desire to please one’s owner regardless of the submissive’s general comfort level in the particular situation.  Begging can be exhibited in words…in the sexy whisper of a heartfelt plea of “please”,  or it can be displayed through one’s body language (kneeling, a hungry look observed in the eyes, a certain way the body is postured).  Begging can be overdone though, and if anything it’s best reserved for more intense play sessions and exchanges.  Begging that turns into groveling can get old pretty fast.  And nobody likes a nag.  😛